drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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