We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
