There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
