His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
