I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
