i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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