all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
