the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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