seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Maybe he injected his testicle?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
