trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
