I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
