all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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