I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
