...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
