Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
