I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
