you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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