Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
