Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
