I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
