he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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