Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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