she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
