Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
