do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
