life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
