Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
