he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
