You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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