My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
