Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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