My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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