Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
