It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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