am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize