Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
