either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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