SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
