u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
