so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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