I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
