are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
