He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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