Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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