imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
