i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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