Yo dont text me then not text me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize