he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
