who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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