In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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