My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
