Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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