Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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