our cab driver is having phone sex.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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