the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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