Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
