PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
