I wanna bring you to show and tell
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
