I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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