Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the condom got lost in my hair
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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