He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
