Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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