Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
