I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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