God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
