Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
