did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
