I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
