i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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